


Catharsis

by Thebluewolf99



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Blood, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad with a Happyish Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23541040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebluewolf99/pseuds/Thebluewolf99
Summary: ****MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING!!!*****Julian is so numb. He can't continue on like this, no matter how many people he knows to love him.
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work that I've completed for this fandom. I have two other less angsty hurt/comfort fics that I'm working on but this was just a cathartic exercise that I needed to project on some characters (sorry Ilya). I'm imagining this is after the events of the game, Julian doesn't have his mark anymore. There's like one line that implies that the apprentice ended up with Murial. Idk, I'm open to comments and criticisms. I literally can't figure out how to format on this site.

Julian stared down impassively at the tools in front of him. His normally expressive face was completely blank. In fact, he himself felt completely blank. He couldn't formulate any reason to not go through with his plan.  
Logically, he could come up with objective reasons. Usually, he was a man of facts, but it seems tonight was the time feelings or lack thereof, won over. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel guilty for going through with his plan.  
He grasped the quill, dipped it in the inkwell, and began writing on one of three parchments he had laid out. He wrote out his first letter mechanically, mostly relying on muscle memory to write out the letters he knew they would need. He couldn’t bring himself to apologize for leaving.  
As he finished the last letter, he brought out his wax sealer and methodically sealed each letter. He wrote a name on each letter and placed them gently on the table. He stood from his desk and looked around his apartment that doubled as his clinic.  
Everything was almost eerily organized. There was no trace of his signature clutter that seemed to grow every day. He had taken the day to clean everything and consolidate things into easy to manage sections. His leeches were fed enough for a few months at least. It was the least he could do for them.  
Turning back to his desk, he grasped the final tool and moved slowly to the small bathroom in his apartment. He turned on the faucet to his large tub, custom made to fit such a lanky form such as himself. He took off his wispy white shirt and gently folded it on the counter. He decided to leave his pants on for this.  
He climbed into the tub, hand still grasping the tool in his left hand. He settled into the warm water and took several deep breaths. This was it. Several days of planning all coming to fruition.  
He brought the knife to his right wrist, hesitating only slightly before plunging it deeply, quickly severing veins and arteries he had spent countless hours studying and memorizing. He moved the knife up his forearm for several inches before removing it from his skin. He stared at the blood that spurted from the wound in morbid fascination for a moment before moving his throbbing arm under the water to minimize the mess.  
He weakly cleaned off the knife before unceremoniously dropping it on the floor beneath the tub. He settled further into the water, the wound quickly sapping at his strength. He cast his thoughts to the ones he was abandoning. A small twinge of sorrow managed to break through the numbness that had overtaken the doctor. He was going to miss him.  
Julian knew he wouldn’t last much longer. He sent up a quiet prayer to whoever was listening to comfort the ones he was leaving behind. He felt his eyes begin to droop. Just as his eyes slipped shut, a form burst through the door. Before darkness fully overtook him, he saw a shock of white, curly hair and frantic lavender eyes. 

The next thing Julian registered was the sound of quiet sobbing. He kept his eyes closed for a moment, knowing instantly that his plan failed. He mentally took a breath and opened his eyes to a sight that normally, had he not been so numb, would have shattered him. Asra was sitting next to the bed the doctor was laying in, tears streaming nearly silently down his face.  
Asra noticed almost instantly that Julian was awake. He didn’t say anything, just helped the man sit up and helped him drink some water. They sat in tense silence for a moment before Julain spoke.  
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.  
“No, you’re not,” Asra responded, not unkindly, just factual. Julian let his eyes slip shut.  
“N-no, I’m not,” he whispered and finally met Asra’s eyes. They sat in silence again, this one less tense than the first.  
“How-” Julian cleared his throat, “How did you find me?”  
“The cards,” Asra murmured. Julian nodded.  
“We-” Asra broke off and swallowed thickly before continuing, “We’re going to find someone or some way to help you, Ilya.”  
Julian felt like he had been punched in the face when Asra spoke his given name. He felt tears well up in his eyes and trickle down his face. He nodded silently.  
“I’m here, Portia’s here, our dear Apprentice is here and even Murial now,” Asra murmured as he took Julian’s hand in his own. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss on Julian’s cheek, tasting the salty tears that fell down them.  
'Faust here!' Faust popped her head out of Asra’s scarf and flicked her tongue over Julian’s cheek too. Julian let out a broken chuckle and brought his hand up to stroke her head gently.  
“Thank you,” he whispered. Asra nodded and sat back up in the chair he was seated in. He began humming a gentle tune, stroking Julian’s hand with his thumb until the doctor fell into a deep sleep.  
They weren’t ok, but Asra would be there until they were.


End file.
